The Myth of "Mr/Ms Right"

One of the things I have had to process as a divorced and now "single-again" person is the questions of my choices in the past...did I choose correctly?


My core as a covenant person says that no matter who you choose to marry or be in covenant with, that person becomes the "right" person for you...but I think there are a couple of underlying issues that stay below the surface that we should unpack in this concept of "the right person".


First we have to face the Sovereignty of God issue...is God sovereign even in human choices?


Well I have to say yes...and this leads us into some very deep theology and concepts that great Saints have wrestled with in the past...it loads up our assumptions with the concept of "predestination", and "free-will", and those issues drag us into the whirlpools of "limited atonement" and the nature of God.


If God is Sovereign then the entire issue of evil takes on a very different framework...but rather than swim in those deep waters I'll just throw you a life jacket of what I believe and not tell you how I got there, it is a distraction for what I want to say right now.


I believe God is sovereign, but I do not believe He is in control...those are two different things, and I believe this so much I also believe that God will NOT control us, or anyone else, He is so committed to the concept of love that He demands freedom of choice and never lets it get completely stripped away, so not even He will violate it.


In other words God values our choices much higher than we know, and I believe because of that He does not make EXACTLY one person for each and every other person to marry...He is a huge fan of diversity, just look around, so the idea that He wants life limited to a few choices and only certain people is contrary to His desire for freedom and uniqueness, and inconsistent with the way He does things.


Think about it like this: I like coffee...I like it a lot, I prefer a strong French Roast to a Colombian blend, these are choices that I have made...did God make me to prefer French over Colombian? No I am not a puppet, He put the elements of taste and the biological capacity within me, but the rest of it is a matter of my own reactions to my history and a developed taste from my experience.


If you want to argue with that, then you might give John Calvin a run for his money on the whole predestination thing and frankly I don't want to argue with you about it the outcome is predicted.


So on a core level I no longer believe there is only one person for you to choose from to live happily ever after with...at least until you have made a choice...once you have chosen, covenant kicks in and that's where the real fun begins, life is always a product of covenant protecting and empowering intimacy.."into-me-you-see"...this is where we really get to experience life as God has designed it.


What that means is if you are divorced, you did not miss it...regardless of how badly it turned out, it wasn't the choice to love a particular person that created your catastrophe, it was something much other than that.


But lets dig a little deeper and look at why we would even go here at all...its a cultural, and frankly fairy-tale world that suggest this idea of "the right person" in the first place.


(Disclaimer: I am most definitely NOT talking about throwing caution to the wind and just hooking up with blatantly bad people, that is dumb behavior and scripture is clear we should not yoke up with people of different value systems, if you don't know what your core values are, you should not even be reading this in the first place, go find out who you are first and then come back)


Its a subtle trap to drift into the mindset that a certain person, or even a certain "type" of person will be responsible for your happiness...Mr/Ms Right regardless of how perfect we may make them in our minds will never be able to create the perfect world for you.


Sometimes we let Hollywood destroy our happiness before we ever get there...especially when we look at the basic idea that many of us have grown up with...


In almost ALL of the fairy tales we read, or movies we watch there is conflict, there are difficulties but we know that if we can just get Prince Charming and the Sleeping Beauty together, everything will work out...think about it...in all of those stories we believe that if the couple can just connect everything will work out...and they will live "happily ever after"...and who doesn't want that?


But the problem is, there is no Mr Right, there is no Knight in shining armor, there is no sleeping beauty, there is no princess who needs rescuing...there's just us...you and me...the way we are...warts and all.


Its very important especially for the divorced to get rid of the idea that Mr/Ms Right exist at all...you are never going to find the "perfect" person...and the harder you look the more disappointed you will be, and many times it is our past experience that drives us to drive away (because of fear) the very thing God may be sending us.


The idea that if you wait long enough, or get in just the right moment, then Mr/Ms Right will suddenly sweep you off your feet and you will live happily ever after...this idea is often used by the enemy to beat us up since we never find the right person...there must be something more we can do, or worse, there must be some hidden sin that God is mad about and thus keeping us from true happiness until we clean up our act.


There is a core lie here we don't always notice and the lie is "If I just connect with the right person, bells will go off, love will blossom and I will live happily ever after"...


This idea is false...life does not work like that, simply connecting with the "right" person is not how God has made the world, especially when He likes diversity, it is not the right person that makes those things happen, it is something else.


So we may be waiting for something based on a myth...much like deciding "I will never leave my house until I see a unicorn for real"...it would be a limit placed on your own heart, sort of a vow that would keep you trapped because something mythical and awesome...but it just wouldn't ever happen no matter how much faith, confession and standing you did...


Any decision based on a falsehood regardless of how sincere is not faith, no matter how much you prop it up and pretend...in other words if you are holding out for the perfect spouse...you are simply setting yourself up for loneliness and defeat...because it is a mythical person you are believing for.


The perfect spouse does not exist...we know this, but fail to adjust our expectations, and because of undefined expectations we often frustrate our own growth waiting for a myth to make our lives perfect.


I think at its core, the most powerful expression of love, is simply "I choose you"...and if you have determined to never choose until Mr/Ms Right shows up, then regardless of the feelings love will never come because you will never be able to choose...and you may end up settling for feelings over love in the long run...which can be a disaster. 


And if you are divorced, you need to remember that the "feelings" that were once so powerful...well those are gone now aren't they? So how important are they now?


Wouldn't you rather build your life on something more permanent, more stable, less "sand" more "rock"?


I am not against feelings, heaven knows I am a hopeless romantic and very emotional, I feel, and express my feelings way more than the average male, but I know in my core that they are a limited liability, they can  infuse energy, but they can also drain it...we walk by faith not sight, even in the corridors of love and romance.


Real love, true love is a decision based on character and not emotions, it is how we behave towards another, not how we feel towards them...we can actually feel in love and behave differently and it will not be love...but if you behave in love, regardless of how you feel...it is love.


If we follow Gods example...we choose to love, and that choice empowers freedom, and freedom allows love to be returned...that is the ONLY way it works...there is no magic, no unicorn and no fairy tale ending based on a child's concept of life...we tell these stories to children, yet somehow expect them to work in real life.


So how do you avoid the jerks, the evil men, the bad girls, the tricksters and fakes?


Well I think its rather simple...


You become Mr/Ms Right...not for you, but for who you think the right person would deserve.


You will attract what you are.


If you want Mr/Ms Right you need to become them...


So how do you do that?


Simple...


1 Cor. 13...


Its the Love chapter...it the "How to" guide for becoming like God, it is the manual on how to be Mr/Ms Right...


Love is patient...that means love does not pressure...it does not get irritated when others need time...isn't that what you would expect in the perfect person?


Love is kind...how does that break down? Well, it means love is considerate...you "consider" the other person...what are they going through, what have they been through? You consider and empathize with their journey and you open your heart to what they have been through and behave in a way that makes them feel safe.


You get the idea...


You want to become a mythical lover?


Become 1 Cor. 13...its the very best way to prepare for a relationship...and if you do you won't be so selfish and expecting someone else to be perfect...you will learn to love and might even discover it was closer than you knew.


And once you have determined to become Mr/Ms Right yourself based on the value system of God, it will be easy to match up with someone who has the same value system, actually it will will be perfectly natural instead of "magical"...it may have a feeling of magic at times but will make incredible sense and should not be hard. 


To be clear, waiting is not wrong, or bad, IF you are growing in love as you wait...but if you are not growing in love, if you are waiting for a Mr/Ms Right to sweep you off your feet and into the perfect marriage and relationship...good luck with that...


...be sure to stock up on rainbows to feed the unicorn they will be riding.




POST SCRIPT:


After a few email discussions with some very smart people (sorry men it was mostly women) I feel I need to add one more disclaimer:


While I am communicating that I no longer lean into the idea of a "right" person, let me be perfectly clear, the anti-thesis is not supported...


It is true there may not be ONE right person, there may be many and you get to choose out of the many a ONE...but the opposite is not true, there are definitely people I would classify as Mr/Ms WRONG.


Just because there isn't one perfect person does not imply there are not a whole lot of wrong people you can marry or get into covenant with...you can most surely mess up your life and destiny by marrying the "wrong" person even if covenant tries to make them the "right" person.


There are some marriages that cannot be blessed and if you doubt that then read the last chapter of Ezra which is a somber mass divorce so the fierce wrath of God would be turned away...


I am all about grace, I am all about love winning, but I am also about reality...faith does not deny the existence of problems, it simply denies them the right to dominate.


The Bible does not teach that faith cannot fail, it teaches that LOVE cannot fail, and Jesus said love was best demonstrated by doing His commandments...you can confess and believe all you want for things to work out, but if people do not obey the Lord...well the outcome will show the truth, I don't need to say it.

A beautiful war

There is this amazing verse in 1 Timothy 1:18...where the aged and seasoned Apostle gives the younger apprentice some incredible insight and perhaps if I can stretch your thinking...a "technique" that the enemy would have no defense against.


Recently some of my favorite movies have been the "Kung Fu Panda" movies, I loved both of them for the rich story lines and the humor, they were amazing animations as well...


If you recall the Panda loved Kung Fu, but was ill equipped compared to the other masters and tried to emulate thier styles or "techniques" but eventually had to develop his own style...


Paul tells Timothy : 


This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight"


The King James will say "mightest war a good warfare"...


This is where I get the title for this blog...one way to read what Paul says to Timmy, is "take those prophecies and use them to fight a beautiful war"...


Most of the time when we encounter opposition, whether to our dreams or to our total health, we tend to react, start asking questions, look for an escape, complain, or hide...but what God desires is that when we meet the enemy face to face, we put on a show for heaven...we fight a beautiful war...


The tool He has given us to do that is the prophetic quotient that He has deposited beforehand into our lives.


I wonder how many of us will get to Heaven and when God shows us our lives and ask us..."Why didn't you use Psalm 91 technique when this event happened?" Or "Hey remember when things went south in this relationship? Why didn't you remember your training and use the "God of Peace" technique there to defeat your opponent?"


What if the prophetic words, verses and dreams God has deposited into your life are actually your own special custom made "fighting technique" that was meant to be witnessed by heaven in a beautiful combat situation?


Let me suggest a few things about the prophetic in your life and see if it helps you re-align your battle stance a bit:


1. Every prophetic statement in your world is a preface of peace..

Think about those words...it is a "Pre-Face" of Peace...God has stepped ahead of you onto the battlefield, looked at your opponent and the terrain and said, 

"You know what he/she will need right here, is "prosperity technique"or "Jujitsu-Joy technique"...maybe they could use some "Grace in the Face" etc ...lets go ahead and load that up...and just like in the Matrix  where "Tank" loads up "Neo" with the fighting disc, the Holy Spirit finds the perfect prophetic word you need and loads you up...(or downloads it into your soul, depending on your point of reference).


What that means is you go into battle already prepared, you have all the training needed to insure your victory, and peace is not only the outcome, it is the stance of victory...you have been "prefaced" with His Peace.


2. Every prophetic word in your life is the promise of a different outcome that what you see now...

To God there is no difference between speaking the word and performing it...it requires no more energy or effort on His part to do either...therefore when He speaks it to you, He is giving you the promise that He has already determined a different outcome than the current situation...if He has promised it, then in eternity it is a reality, you just need to bring that outcome into this realm and you do that by believing and standing.


3. Every prophetic event in your life is a guarantee that your personal trainer will be with you in the midst of the conflict teaching you the technique of victory.


Imagine being right in the middle of hand to hand combat with a vicious and ruthless opponent, and right in the heat of the battle a Master Samurai steps next to you and says, "Ok when he does this and such, counter with this move, when he changes his stance here, move into this technique, when he tries to attack you this way, then turn to this style...etc..."


Can you imagine how unfair that would be to hell? But it is exactly how the Kingdom operates, He is right beside you even helping you to pray, because...well we don't even know how to do that according to Romans 8...but HE DOES!!!


3. The prophetic promise in our life gives us the power to fight a beautiful war...

Pauls use of language in this passage is a direct result of his observing the Roman Army train and stay in shape, Rick Renners book "Dressed to Kill" is an amazing study of the specific language and culture that Paul used to communicate to Timothy the beauty of the battle... but what we cannot fail to see is that his admonition is laid upon us as well, that we HAVE BEEN GIVEN our prophetic quotient so that as we demonstrate faith, steadfastness and peace unto victory we will fight a beautiful war against an ungodly and demonic assault...it isn't just metaphor or rhetoric, it is an assignment that carries great reward and honor for those who take it up...




I just want to encourage you to dust off the prophetic words in your life...team up with the Holy Spirit and see what technique might emerge that is uniquely you...


My next blog I might go into more detail about HOW to do this...

But frankly you don't need my help...you have a built in Samurai Trainer who is more than willing to show you "Descending Dove" technique...which is what Jesus used to defeat the Evil Warlord Satan...its a good stance that the enemy has no defense against.

Walk with me

Some of my music...wrote this and recorded it at my sis's house in Moore Oklahoma...

Walk with me

My version of stumbleupon...

So this post is just primarily about the kind of things that capture my attention and imagination and focus...


These are the links and things I think about on an average day...its a bit eclectic...but that's quite normal in my world...


First off is my favorite video of all time, because I want to dance EXACTLY like this:

I have been a big fan of Snow Patrol ever since I heard "Somewhere a clock is ticking"


The ballroom dance thing is one of my dreams, I could watch this video for hours...it inspires me.


Next up and for something completely different is Thorium...yep I am really wondering why we have not been developing nuclear energy using thorium instead of solid fuel rods, it is cheaper, safer, operates at basic atmospheric pressure as opposed to 300 atmospheres required by standard plutonium...the cool thing about thorium is it uses a frozen liquid fluoride salt as a plug and if you have a power outage the plug melts and all the volatile fuel drains into a containment enclosure...and a thorium based reactor would literally use up all of the warhead material we have floating around, it is truly the idea of beating your swords into plowshares...you can't just throw away nuke materials, this system would use them up and recycle them.


Looking for ways to invest in this for my kids, kids, kids...can you imagine being a bazillionaire because your great-great-granfather invested in a dream?


Next up is the kelp forest:


I like watching th open ocean veiw because it relaxes me and you see really cool things...
 Blog won't let me post a video here but take the link it's cool:

Kelp Forest


For something yet wonderful and offbeat "French Onion Stuffed Mushrooms"


http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/11/french-onion-soup-stuffed-mushrooms/


Next is my review of Kris Vallotons Book "Spirit Wars" which I read in one sitting and highly recommend...


Spirit wars

Anyway, this is a normal day in my world from dancing and dreaming to recipes and reactors my mind is never still, so I require plenty of prayer time to learn how to be still.

Culture and Conquest

So I spent some of the Holidays in Tucson at my daughter Leahbeths house, and of course she was onto me about finishing my book on supernatural divorce, so I holed up in the office a day and wrote an entire chapter I had no intention of writing.


I have an outline...I know what I want to communicate, but sometimes when I start writing something happens and I end up somewhere completely different than I anticipated.


I had decided to write a chapter on how genders approach divorce because believe it or not we are very different in the way we process it...

In order to communicate the "feeling" I had decided to write two little fictional stories describing different events as told from a mans viewpoint and from a woman's viewpoint...one story (for the man) was about a space cruiser with a hole blown in the hull, the story for the woman was about a special tea garden that had been demolished by a pack of wild dogs...


I had fun writing it and frankly felt like in some ways it communicated in an interesting way how we approach divorce from a gender bias...but something unusual began to emerge from the pages as I continued, it was something I had never really articulated but sensed was there all along...


Its the difference in our wiring and how that affects our assignments...and I simplified it to this understated code:


Men are wired to conquer, women are wired to create culture.


When you compare that to the Garden Mandate to have dominion and subdue, to replenish and be fruitful it makes sense in a new way...men are designed to go out and subdue and conquer, while women are designed to replenish, redecorate, to re-pristinate the garden...women carry culture in their core.


So I applied this code to my girls and the guys I knew...


Leahbeth has a drive to be a Judge, so her core culture is about fairness, in almost all of the conflicts I have witnessed or been a part of with her, fairness was the driving culture behind it...she creates this culture by balancing her rooms, by disallowing language of extremes and all of her relationships need an occasional tipping of the balance back to her when she has given out. If you don't care about what is fair and just you don't get to be a part of her culture.


Rena seems to favor freedom...she isn't worried about the pictures all matching or the colors blending, she creates her culture differently by her routines and by breaking the routines, she will let her kids dress in the most unmatched outfits they want while her sisters would never let that happen, but for her, the culture needs to be about personal freedom more than about the towels matching.


Courtney's culture is peace...when she encounters chaos, she simply shuts down and lets other make the decisions until she finds her peace, once she latches onto it, she doesn't care what the demand is, her culture has a higher mandate than your crisis.


What I began to observe is that each one of my girls creates a culture or an environment based on something in her core, she might not have identified it, but how she decorates, how she dresses, the food she eats and the conversations and relationships she keeps all flow out of this core value inside her.


If you are a woman, I bet with a little effort you can clearly see what your core culture is and how you create it...


Men...not so much.


A man will live in a cave, and often does. Culture is not what drives him, but take away conquest, take away the challenge of the next level of Splinter Cell, or let his fantasy football quarterback have a bad week and you've got one depressed puppy.


Most all of a mans drive for significance is connected to conquering something, be it a new sell, a new project, a new toy for his car, or an actual contest of some sort...its the "dominion" mandate in black and white...


So whats my point?


Well, I began to think about our current church culture and how the majority of it is the residue of a 100 year old model of conquest...and how even now with new horizons ahead of us, what with the seven mountain mandate and all, we are still creating a culture in our church's that is primarily conquest and will not change our world because we have not allowed the women to be women, we have made them female versions of male pastors instead of female apostles.


I think this is a major problem and will require a huge paradigm shift in order to make lasting changes, because lets face it, the world is not interested in our current church culture, it does not feel like a home to them, and I think I know why...


So what do we do?


Well honestly I don't know yet, but I do know this much:


You can't fix a problem you won't admit you have.

Selah.

What dreams may come...

Zechariah 2:1-5


Then I lifted up my eyes and looked, and behold there was a man with a measuring line in his hand. So I said, "Where are you going?" And he said to me, "To measure Jerusalem, to see how wide it is, and how long it is." And behold, the angel who was speaking to me was going out, and another angel was coming out to meet him, and said to him, "Run, speak to that young man, saying, 'Jerusalem will be inhabited without walls because of the multitude of men and cattle within it. For I,' declares the Lord,'will be a wall of fire around her, and I will be the glory in her midst.'"

I normally like to take the end of year season and seek the Lord to see what the new year might bring, its a discipline that harks back to the days when I apprenticed under a very prophetic pastor who bordered on highly apostolic in his approach...this mentor would actually fast the week between Christmas and New Years and New Years Eve was always a very prophetic event because he would seek the Lord until he had a word for the church.

I've learned to be slightly less intense but remain somewhat focused, my intention during the holiday season is to enjoy family and friends and not to get to spiritually minded...however in the back of my mind there is a residue of prophetic motivation that actually looks forward to this season if nothing more than for the element of declaration and proclamation we gravitate towards.

This year as I approach the heart of the Father towards us and our assignments I am deeply convinced that His intention towards us is to invade our year with more of the "more" of Himself...that what God actually plans on doing this year is just showing up unannounced and full of Glory...

This will be a year of the "Lightning" of God...you know that moment when the fabric separating heaven and earth tears and in that instant we see the brightest flash of light as heaven presses in on earth with its glory!

That is after all what lightning is, its not some earthly electrical phenomena as sciency people will try to describe...in my perspective lightning is when the fabric that separates heaven and earth tears and heaven starts pouring in unannounced until the angels are able to sew it back up and keep heaven on the other side...it happens instantaneous because angels of course move at the speed of thought, but for a brief moment we see into heavens bright light and no matter how dark the night or how intense the storm, heaven shows its intention...it is always poised to invade and only the Father and a host of angels can keep the Son from rushing in and gathering up His Bride for the eternal love affair we were made for!

This is how Jesus himself describes his return...its as "the lightning cometh out of the east and shines to the west"-Matthew 24:27

This next season is going to be problematic for the angels...they are going to be intensely busy, sewing back the fabric of earth as Heavens love and the dreams God has for us just explode into our lives without warning...

Many of us have began to gradually believe...you know the "too-good-to-not be-true" message...we call it the gospel, but its bigger than we have ever imagined...and some are starting to consider that the dreams in our hearts, the longings unfulfilled, the romance of heaven is actually true and better than that...it is coming true for us...individually, specifically...and right before our eyes...

What would the next season look like if God invaded and said to you..."Those dreams...?..." "Yeah I know, it seems impossible and you have not a clue how to get there...hop in I've got just the vehicle you need to get there NOW! Holy Spirit, Lets go!"...

In one of my visions many months ago the Holy Spirit grabbed my inheritance and said "Get in"...and I jumped in a red sports car as He drove recklessly from heaven to earth, faster than I could imagine and laughing all the way...I literally had to hold on with both hands and for the first time in my life I understood that He IS  like a mighty RUSHING wind...the Holy Spirit loves to go extremely fast!

So this is what I am sensing God wants to do for us as we end this year and begin a new season, its a repeat of the "double", its a renewal of the "Year of Jubilee" because these are not simply seasons God wants us to walk in they are life calls...

This next year will be marked by dreams coming true over-night, hope will no longer be deferred and we will see the lightning of God perform it...whats more God will be the glory right in the middle of our lives, we will see abundance and growth unlike anything we've dreamed about...

So whats the condition?

Yep, that right, all true prophetic quotient has an element of condition upon it...whats our part in this adventure?

Well as I look at Zechariah there are three things that stand out to me...

The first thing is like the prophet we need to "lift up our eyes"...in other words we need to get our vision up off the ground and natural, and we need to elevate where we look...what this means in a practical sense is we need to not look upon our own resources and abilities, and better yet we need to lift up our eyes from looking at our sense of failure or history past...

Many times as God calls us into greater and higher callings we get trapped looking at our own ability and our history and we focus not on what heaven offers, but instead on what earth lacks...

Don't do that...learn to always look UP. 

Focus your gaze and hope on things above...this is rather biblical and will require discipline...but its time.

The second condition we need to meet is we must cooperate with heavens measuring process...that means expecting supernatural and angelic visitations, preparing for an accelerated lifestyle (run speak to the young man-vs.4), and understanding that we do not have the measuring line of life, God does...

What this means in a practical sense is that God is the one who determines who and what we are surrounded by...

Many times we think we know what we are capable of, or perhaps more realistically think we know what we are NOT capable of...maybe its loving someone He brings into your life, maybe its accomplishing a dream that you feel you are not prepared for, but what this means in the real world, is that God is in charge and we need to let His measure of us be the one we respond to rather than what history, Doctors, practical common sense, limited resources, and a host of other measuring devices might say...

We need to agree with Gods measure of us, even if we don't feel ready, or think it should take much longer...this is one area I think we might be prone to miss it most, in areas that we feel should take much more time...please remember time is simply a measurement...and it is subject to God, not the other way around...your time is in His hands...if He says you're ready...guess what? You are! Feelings are a terrible way to measure things...you're better off using the "measure of faith"...

The last condition is subtle...but essential...it is found in the statement... "Inhabited without walls..." 

God desires to be the glory in our midst...He wants to partner with us in this grand adventure...but in order for Him to dwell in our midst, we need to learn to live without walls...

What does that look like?


Well its obvious that part of it means we will live depending on the Lord Himself to defend us...He refers to being a "wall of fire around her"...


This condition might be the deal breaker for many...it requires moving into a new level of trust and vulnerability with others...

See living without walls means I learn to live in a place of transparency and becoming vulnerable to people close to me...

I am not going to pretend that this will be easy, nor do I believe it requires we live without boundaries...not even God lives without healthy boundaries, there are defined and clear lines around our character and our core that need protecting...


But this element of living without walls...on some level it will require that you create relationships of trust where you let people into your world, maybe not a lot of people, maybe just one or two, covenant and kingdom connections...but this element of living without walls has to become tangible...or its simply a metaphor and the glory in the midst will be reduced to a metaphor as well.


Do I trust God enough...to trust some of His people into my areas of life where I have been quite adept at defending myself?


Do I want His glory in the middle of my life enough to trust someone else to come near and not harm me?


Many of us have been deeply wounded and we have built walls around areas of our hearts and for good reason...it was not safe...


But now...God wants to invade...


He wants to make those hidden dreams a living reality of love and fulfillment...


And in order to do that...we have to lower the walls and let the Holy Spirit come in and tutor us into the "all things"...that Jesus purchased...


So here's my challenge...are you lifting up your gaze? Are you letting God determine what you can handle and are you cooperating with angelic visitation? And are you ready to let the walls down?


If so...you can expect to become a habitation of God and see a wall of His fiery Presence fulfilling your deepest dreams and hopes...that is His plan for you...this is what HE longs to do...


Who's up for that?

How I celebrate, and why...

Christmas...


You really can't bring it up without some level of controversy...


Some saints celebrate, others don't...


Stores depend on it, and our culture seems to exploit it and make it less religious every year.


Our society is dividing along the lines of making this season simply a  "Holiday", and "Don't take the Christ out of Christmas"...the battle lines are drawn and everyone has an opinion.


You know what I mean.


So in my assignment to live life more intentionally I have had to go out and conquer some of my more primitive concepts, things wrapped up in my belief system and daily culture that I have practiced or believed without intentionally pursuing a definitive reason for...things like the atonement (punitive or ransom?), Sabbath (which day is holiest?) and now I come to Christmas...is it pagan and am I participating in an ancient custom that has no roots in Christianity?


My good friend Andrew will chuckle and say "Its all pagan"...we have a bit of an inside joke on what parts we are willing to embrace and which parts are the by products of our culture...but he's right...on some level its ALL pagan.


What to do, oh what to do?


Basically when I look at things that fall into "tradition" or established practices I try to look and see if it is one of three things:


1. Culture
2. Preference
3. Kingdom


Everything we do will fall into one of these baskets, and there is nothing wrong with this process, it is part of life and just the way things are, in fact I do not believe it offends God when some things do not fall into the Kingdom basket, we are after all reading this on computers using electricity and language that is the product of culture and preference...we cannot avoid living in a culture and having a preference, from the clothes we wear to the haircuts we pay for, everything will fall into one of these definitions.


I'm going to take the gloves off for a moment and show you what's in my heart because I have come face to face with many close friends and relationships that embrace postures ranging from "Yes we celebrate" to "Never" and whats more this division does not stop at Christmas, it reaches down into the foods we eat, the days we keep, birthday celebrations, video games, sugar, decorating, seafood, Harry Potter and immunizations...


The difficulty I have in approaching this subject is that it deals with our basic core nature as RELIGIOUS creatures and how we interact with other RELIGIOUS beings...


Before you freak out at my calling us "religious" like its a bad thing, let me define it for you:

We are religious spirits, it is a vital part of our make-up and it goes all the way back to the garden when even before the fall, Eve (who was not named until AFTER the fall) said "Of the trees in the garden we may freely eat but of the tree in the midst of the garden God has said "you shall not eat it, NOR SHALL YOU TOUCH IT LEST YOU DIE...

She added a phrase that we have no proof that God actually said...


Notice the slight shift that happened?

God never said they could not touch it...but somehow even before she ate the woman had adjusted her posture and ADDED to the one simple commandment of "don't eat it"...its as if she is thinking:

"If not eating it makes God pleased, just think how much more He will be pleased if I don't even go near it! I will make God more pleased by not touching it..."


This might seem like a subtle or insignificant adjustment in understanding but it is not, it is a massive redefining of how we approach God...it moves His approval of us, OUT of His character and into our performance.


This is the core of all religion, it is what drives us and defines who we are as religious beings...


It defines us not by what we believe, but instead by what we don't do...


"That group, they don't speak in tongues..."


"They don't believe in dancing..."


"They don't meet on Sunday..."


"They don't eat pork..."


"They don't_________________" fill in the blank...


I'm actually kind of glad we got booted out of the garden because without a doubt we would have created a church that "touches" the tree and a group that "doesn't touch" the tree...


How would like to be in a church that is called "touchers"....yikes!


My real difficulty is not the definitions and boxes we throw each other in, my challenge is to honor the gift of God that resides in a person or group that holds to a different religious culture than what I have, and before you go getting offended at my definition that what you are practicing is simply a religious culture and preference and NOT kingdom, lets just let the Bible define Kingdom for us:


"For the Kingdom of God is NOT, eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit-Romans 14:17"...this verse is defining what the Kingdom IS, by adjusting what we think it is NOT...

Gods basket for what He defines Kingdom does not have eating or drinking in it at all...

In Gods definition of His kingdom, He completely removes your behavior based upon the daily practices and moves it all over into the Holy Spirit...if you take out the parenthetical phrase "not" and strip the verse down it says:

Gods government, His Kingdom...its in the Holy Spirit... 

You want to know what Kingdom is? Better plug into the Holy Spirit...you don't get to define it strictly from the Bible.

And where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty...that means options...

If you define Kingdom without the Holy Spirit, you have removed life and moved over to the letter of the law which brings death...(2 Cor.3:6)

God does not want you to define Kingdom without His input...its "in" the Holy Spirit...if you want to see what it is...you gotta go "in".

This chapter in Romans (the addition of chapters and verses is something we haven't even started debating yet, it was ADDED much after the original manuscripts were written, so is it pagan or preference?) starts off with a commandment to recieve one another, but NOT for the purpose of debating things that are doubtful...and you may say "There is NO doubt in my mind these are pagan practices"...to which I respond:


Really?


So what about the cultural contamination that we are importing something pagan?

How big an issue for us is the pagan influence supposed to be?


Lot's of other things are pagan and we don't throw them out, tattoos, rock music in our worship, wooden crosses (was Roman not Jewish), and if we are honest there are a host of other issues we are not comfortable with but like to ignore, like the admonition for our women to keep silent in the churches...this was in response to a direct cultural influence but we don't practice it now...

We are already practicing a bit of cultural "editing" as it were and frankly I don't have a problem with this, my issue is lets be honest.


Are we being true to toss out some and not all?


Or are we no longer under the Law, and frankly only required to follow the instruction of Acts 15:20 which is the only law the early Apostles would lay upon the gentiles...?


The entire book of Galatians becomes problematic in this debate...


And to be honest...we don't throw out baptism and communion because they had pagan roots do we? Of course not.


Baptism at the time of Christ was widely celebrated as a way to be initiated into salvation by the Greeks, the Romans, the Hindus, the Egyptians...as a matter of fact the practice of baptism as a means of removing sin and joining into a religious faith was so widely known that at least two of the early church fathers (Justin Martyr and Tertullian) actually had to write explaining that we were not practicing the same ritual as the pagans, even though it looked identical, Justin Martyr actually admits the practice predated Christianity and explained that the devil was trying to prophesy and claim the practice as his own...


The Eucharist (communion) has plenty of pagan examples just google Lectisternia by the Romans...Mithra, Adonis, Attia, Isis and Osiris all practiced a covenant meal long before the Christians did.


My point is when someone tells me these things are not debatable I must respond and say, be honest and consistent, if you are going to throw out things for the reason that they have pagan roots, you gotta throw out baptism and communion as well...

Frankly I don't care why you throw them out if it makes you feel better, but if you are doing it as a salvation issue, if you are suggesting that your daily eating and drinking habits are getting you into the Kingdom...I gotta say "foul"...15 yard penalty for dishonesty...if you toss these things out simply because they have pagan roots, where's your consistency?


If these issues cannot be made into Kingdom "qualifiers" then we need to be careful about how we present them.


We have absolutely no power in ourselves to get into the kingdom through behavior, the minute we pretend we do we are back at the tree thinking "if I don't touch He will be more pleased"...


So you point to the fact that Jesus himself introduced the Eucharist and baptism, so these things are no longer pagan...I totally agree...for us as believers these things no longer are tainted from culture because Jesus redeemed them...but is this a pattern of the Kingdom, or a one time shot? Didn't he suggest we are to "occupy" till He comes? 

Define occupy...if we do it like the recent protest we are in trouble because all that's left is a big mess and a stain on our reputation.


I am not at all suggesting we need to celebrate and embrace anything and everything, that is not my point, my point is when we draw a line around what we will embrace and what we will not embrace, be it Sabbath, Christmas, Easter, covering our heads, church buildings, pastoral models, etc...ad infinitum...that line can only be drawn around ourselves and it is drawn with the hand of faith or we are in trouble.


The Bible will tell us that if you don't eat, or observe one day...do it unto the Lord, and if you do eat, and observe all days the same, do it unto the Lord, and then will instruct us to not put offense into the path of our brother...


If you celebrate you are not allowed to despise the guy who doesn't, and if you don't celebrate you are not allowed to judge the guy who does, we are to pursue peace and things that build up one another...


These two postures, to despise, or to judge are the issues we must face regarding culture and practice...to despise means to "set at nought"...or basically count as nothing, and to judge means to "call into question", or to condemn...our problem isn't just about holidays though...it's our culture and our preferences that create issues, we despise tattoos and metal bits in peoples faces, or we judge people in business ties and suits as stuffy and stiff, religious and legalistic...


We are judging and despising Gods kids and our own family and its not healthy...no wonder the world stays away...


Lets play it forward and see what this might look like:


So suppose you come to me and say "I practice only the Jewish Feasts" "I don't eat pork" or "I observe one day as the Sabbath"...


My immediate response is really? So you're a Jew? When was the last time you sacrificed a real live lamb?
Are you wearing garments that have mixed fabrics?(Duet.22:11) Do you wear slacks as a woman? (Duet.22:5) Do you listen to rock music (Eccl. 7:5) Do you shave? (Lev. 21:5) Do you have tattoos? (Lev. 19:28)...hows that whole thing of women being under the law of her husband working out for you? My immediate response is snarky, demeaning and a little arrogant.


I have drawn a big circle of faith and put you inside and said you are weaker than me...I have assigned less value to your faith than to mine.


But this immediate response is wrong...regardless of what I believe about keeping the law ...

(My personal posture is that if you are determined to keep ANY of it in your own strength you are required by that same law to keep ALL of it in your own strength which is impossible (James 2:10), and I'm just not that strong, your milage may vary, and I am not allowed to force this issue or control you with my doctirne)


What I have done with you is "set at nought", or basically said, you're wasting your time...I have suggested that what you practice is not valuable, in other words I have not assigned any value to what you practice (or refuse) because I might have faith to eat seafood, or pork or play cards, or work on Saturday or celebrate Christmas my lines of behavior do not have the right to say your lines of behavior are not valuable.


In order to keep peace as a core practice I need to assign a value to what you practice...I need to honor who you are and how you practice your faith...I need to say and truly believe that what you bring into my Kingdom box is worthy and I need to honor you for practicing what you do.


So what if I believe that these things are irredeemably pagan? And you come to me and say you are going to get a Christmas tree (Jeremiah 10:2-5), or eat shrimp(Duet 14:9-10) or pork (Lev. 11:7), or work on the true Sabbath (lots of verses look them up yourself)...?


My immediate response is that you are defiling yourself with pagan and unbiblical practices that, this defilement makes you unclean and is an abomination to the Lord and why on earth would you want to offend God like that? Don't you have a heart to follow the Lord and keep His commandments, don't you want to live a holy life? Can't you see that these are PRACTICAL admonitions and you are choosing death over life?


But my immediate response is wrong...because I have called into question not only your motive, but your faith, I have judged you as someone unwilling to please the Lord in your behavior...I have drawn my circle of faith and behavior and have excluded you because you are not pure, I have judged you. 

In both situation the common problem is honor...how can I honor what God honors?


What the Bible directs us to, is to honor Gods people and not get into debates over culture, to assign a value to one another that allows a free exchange of life to flow without punishing one another by judging or isolation.

One of the big problems is BOTH postures invite the idea that Gods approval of us is based on our little circles of what we do..."If I don't touch the tree, He will be more pleased"...

But Gods approval of you will never, ever, not in a millions years be based on what you do, it must be completely based on His character and how He views us in Christ or we are in deep do-do...


Our approval in God is based solely upon the life of His Son...and His Son touched lepers, healed on the sabbath, and got baptized like the Greeks and Hindus...but He also wore only one type of fabric, practiced the Jewish Festivals, and  lived without sin...


God declares that both groups, the "touch" and the "touch nots" are powerful, valuable and to be given honor without restriction, and to do that in a way that faith is not damaged.


So where am I at in the process?

When it comes to my approval before God, I am completely dependent on His character and not my performance...I cannot throw in one Bible reading, one day of fasting, or one habit of holy-day into the mix...He approves of me because He placed me in Christ and approves of Him...my behavior has NOTHING to do with my approval...

...but my behavior is not separate from my heart, my actions follow my belief system, so if I love Him I will want to please Him in all things...my behavior will reflect His heartbeat and His value system, and the main things in His heart are the things He loves, they are His children, NOT the things He hates, my beliefs which will drive my behavior must be on what makes His heart beat with joy, and that focus will ALWAYS be on loving His kids...


 I celebrate for the same reason that I get my hair cut, I am trying to impact and be a part of my culture without becoming stained by either fear of disappointing God by performance, or becoming so enamored with my culture that I have no respect for Gods Presence.


What about a tree? Yep I've read Jeremiah 10:1-5...and my personal problem with it is, this passage could very well be describing a cross just as easily as it is a Christmas tree, and frankly I ma not ready to toss out all the crosses in my life because they are in my home, my church, my friends homes and I cannot make a distinction in practice to having a cross and having a Christmas tree based on this verse...I don't worship the cross anymore than I do the tree...there is no biblical support for owning a cross.


But the issue for me isn't so much about personal practice and believe as much as it is about culture and displacement...


See I believe that until we own the culture we will not be able to establish anything better, that by withdrawing from our culture we create a void in the human religious sphere that the enemy is to eager to occupy...where we as believers abdicate culture as corrupt and unworthy, we create an opportunity for the darkness to own and dominate...


We are called to be leaven, to be salt, to occupy and to bring everything in our world under the subjection of Gods kingdom...I don't believe that is possible where we disengage and avoid...


The Old Testament model was to "come out", remove and avoid...if you touch the unclean you become unclean...but Jesus changed all that, when He touched a leper they were made whole, when He faced an adulterer she was restored not stoned...the Kingdom of God is much more powerful than the little lines of culture and preference that we want to draw and establish...

Yes I know all about the Sun god and Constantine and how we changed the calender and how the birth date we circle is overwhelmingly NOT historically accurate...I am not uninformed or ignorant...I have studied the pagan roots of these holidays and even what we do every week...


But I'm just trying to be completely honest...if I toss out these things because their roots are pagan, I have to get rid of all the crosses and baptism and communion and quite a few other cultures and preferences that are in all of our lives...


Or...I can say the Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, and rather than create a list of rules and circles and touch-nots that allow me to devalue or reject my brothers and sisters in Christ...I can assign honor to what you practice and say thank you for your dedication to purity, I benefit and I know it...and hopefully you can give thanks and assign honor to my faith in displacing the devils agenda to own holidays and celebration and joy and his plan to corrupt that, because if we abandon it, he will completely ruin it for the entire planet.


We both do it unto the Lord...both postures have value and should be honored...

Some of us are called to settle, to establish the building and make it permanent we are called to be the building of Christ, and some of us are called to advance, to be mobile in our world and act like the body of Christ...this duality, this paradox that we are both a building and a body is something we need to embrace with faith and not debate about things that are in doubt...

It is not my intention to convert you or defend my posture, frankly it will take a lot more than I have offered to change some of my best friends practices and I am just not willing to waste my time on what I believe are minor and minuscule issues that have the power to separate us and keep us at a distance from one another.


I need and love these people to much to get hung up on the touch or touch-nots that we have adopted based on our own particular journey of faith...


I desperately want to honor the journey that has brought these people in to my life and celebrate the story that each journey tells.

You may disagree...thats ok...we need to be able to honor what each person brings even if we don't completely agree or understand one another...we gather around His Presence...not our individual approaches to the tree of the knowledge...



Lets agree to honor the journey and celebrate the story that God has woven into the fabric of our fellow travelers... 

Slave or Friend?

When you think about God, do you imagine someone who makes demands, someone who has a strict code of behavior you are required to meet, or someone who genuinely wants to be with you?


Here's an easier approach...when you come to pray to the Father does your approach require you to first repent, or start out with some kind of thanksgiving, is there a picture in your mind of someone distant that it will require a lot of effort to convince, maybe you feel more comfortable with the Son, so its sort of a backdoor to Gods kitchen approach in prayer?


Now forget about that for a minute...and lets think about a time when you were in love, think about the feelings of euphoria and infatuation and try to remember in that state did you ever want to control the person of your desire?


Could you ever imagine that the person you were in love with needed to be forced to do what you wanted, because of your love?




Was there ever a time when you loved an imperfect human that your love for them would want to take away their free choice and force them to love you?


Would you have been happy with a forced obedience even if it looked real but never knowing the heart of the person...or would your love always allow the freedom to choose and with that freedom also give the power to be whomever they wanted to be?


As I have been dialoguing with my concepts of God, I am coming to the conclusion that Gods goal for me is to be His friend...He wants to empower me and actually is calling me to live from a different place than my earthbound frame seems focused on...


That place is not simply some kind of heavenly geography, it is also a place of preference and power that is not limited to time and space.


True love always gives the power to choose to the object of its affection, because love empowers, fear enslaves...


What that means is that bad choices are always available...


And with bad choices consequences are inevitable...love does not protect us from the consequences of bad choices...


Love will warn us, but love will not control us...


Love will offer us the best, but love will not force us to choose the best...


Love will make us responsible for our own choices, but love will not belittle us or demean us for our choices...


Love will allow consequences to teach us regardless of how painful the lesson, but love will not use punishment as a teaching tool...


Where there is fear, love has not matured...


Where there is fear, slavery is not far behind...


Where there is fear, we have not seen God...


In the Bible the fear of the Lord is always connected to the understanding that the consequence of a bad choice is a life lived below the Fathers love and desire for us and that can mean simply living below our potential with meager possibilities or even going so far as experiencing death without hope...the fear of the Lord teaches us to depart from evil because...well it's evil....


So do you fear the Lord and understand that He loves you enough to let bad consequences teach you, or are you afraid of Him, and thus a slave to demands that you can never satisfy?


Do you see the Father as someone who longs to be your friend...or someone you cannot approach?


A slave doesn't know or care about what his master is doing except to avoid the masters anger...most of the time a slave is looking for ways to avoid his master...


So here's the tough question you must ask yourself...do you use tiredness, busyness, lack of discipline, or apathy and passiveness to avoid the Father...or are you becoming friends?


Slave or friend?...your prayer life declares the reality and you know this is true.


Selah.

Divorce and the Angry God

So I'm in this state of paradox where I am finishing my book on divorce while simultaneously rewriting my primitive soteriology...(which for those of us who stay out of the big kitchen of theology basically means what I believe about God)...yes  I am rethinking some of the secondary and even primitive concepts about God, who He is, and why Jesus died, as well as contextualizing some of the second tier ideas like hell and wrath and etc...

Pretty heady stuff when you wrap it up in gravy ladle theology terms, but in the words of my heart I am simply coming to terms with concepts that I have never fully thought out but held some sort of belief about.

So what do you believe about God? Did He pour out His wrath on Jesus (as I have held for most of my life in agreement with the *penal substitution model) or was the cross a ransom and covenant event?

I have come to the recent conclusion that God is not mad, never really was for more than a brief moment, His anger last for but a moment but His mercy endures forever...so the idea that the cross is the shock absorber of Gods wrath has slowly been drifting away like a broken toy that I slept with for 50+ years...it seems familiar and strange to get into rest without it, but I have known in my heart that there was something broken about it and just could not put my finger on it.

We can blame Anselm (Bishop of Canterbury), but the truth is we are prone to make God in our own image, short tempered, bitter and unhappy...

Obviously I have been doing some heavy lifting in the research department because suddenly I realized that most of my model about control, anger, relationships, punishment, sin and life, the resurrection, atonement and even hell have all had their foundation in an idea of God that made Him seem angry all the time, ready to punish disobedience at the drop of a hat and frankly no fun to be around...a God who would vomit around sin and would evaporate His Presence anytime we wandered away from the straight and narrow...

Regardless of what you believe about why Jesus died and who killed him, this IS the lifestyle and culture you develop if you hold to the *penal substitution model of the atonement, you can say something different but your behavior will naturally gravitate to a concept of God that is based upon rules and code-books, laws and punishments, control and fear...

The natural outworking of understanding that Jesus diverted the wrath of an angry God at the cross is to move into a relationship of fear and rule keeping because He is after all a consuming fire and cannot look upon sin...and we must stay ever so near the cross which functions like a blood soaked shield that keeps the rays of Gods anger from vaporizing our rebellious souls...bad people no cookie for you!

As I begin to dismantle this idea it occurs to me that a lot of what I have accepted about divorce has come to me through the filter of an angry God model...after all "God hates divorce"..thus Malachi 2 declares to us and we use this verse as the main bully stick to keep people in control when their relationships cannot be controlled...

Anyone who knows my personal journey would never beat me up, for all practical reasons I was "biblically divorced" in every sense of the righteous word...but that did not stop the aftershocks of an angry and now disappointed God from showing up in my head and questioning me when I ached to be married again...

I can tell you this much..I AM NOT MADE TO BE A EUNUCH...I do not want to be, do not like the idea and have no desire to be alone  and its not even mostly about sex, its about reigning in life with a co-regent, its about having someone to share the victory, defeats and adventure with... its about relationship and life and laughing and hanging out doing nothing as well...

I love the idea of growing old with someone, getting to know them until I can make the perfect cup of whatever for them and fluff their pillows just right and instinctively know what color of curtains they would choose...its about intimacy of soul and its what most of us were made for...

Some of us don't care anymore...and if that's you make a statement and stay single and clear the pond for the rest of us...I cannot think of anything more fun than getting to know someone on such a level that I can make them laugh anytime they need it...and if that is not in you then may you find peace and quiet with your cats and ministry to the isolated...but isolation is not part of my genes...I do not want to be alone...not with the assignments I have been given.

This drive to reconcile who I am and what I have encountered (divorce) has made me plunge head first into these primitive ideas about God because as I read scripture I find glaring statements about remarriage that make it seem like I must remain single or commit adultery...(Matthew 5 and 19 come to mind) 

Even reading the early church fathers gave me no respite...brutal language that implied a God who would not tolerate remarriage under any circumstance unless the other party was dead...

The tension this created inside me was almost unbearable, here I am a hopeless romantic and love a God who will hate me if I want to remarry...

I know I am painting extremes here, but its important that I communicate what I felt...see what you believe about God isn't simply information, it is also an emotion, it has the power to liberate or subjugate, it can create freedom or slavery, it can make you powerful or powerless all depending on what it is you believe about the One who made you...

If God is always angry at sin and sinners, then there are no excuses, you must tow the line, and any deviance from the gospel facts whether you knew them or not must incur His displeasure...He's mad for crying out loud, don't bother him with this sex drive He put inside you, He expects you to ignore it since He does, and all that talk about romance, what is wrong with you? The world needs saving, your little wants and desires are wasting His time, grow up and get over it, you blew it and no longer qualify for a good life of relationship (for which you were created)...suck it up buddy....

If Gods unhappy then the least you can do is be unhappy too!

God hates divorce, says so right there in Malachi (written to Jewish men who were abandoning their wives and sending them away empty handed and destitute much like the Pharisees in Jesus day)...

When I finally began to take off the "wrath of God" lenses that I had been living the bible through a different thought began to emerge in my heart...

The God who hated divorce got divorced in Jeremiah 3 so that through divorce He might destroy the power of divorce and set free forever those who were subject to bondage through the shame and despair of divorce (paraphrasing Romans)...

And the God who divorced Israel is now planning on marrying the Bride of Christ, so unless He kills Israel we might need to rethink our concepts of remarriage and adultery...

What I am trying to say is that the concept of Gods wrath and anger being poured out on Jesus has the potential to color everything in your world and if you are divorced like I am, the power of that model will make you miserable...

But what if the cross was actually God rescuing broken slaves from the marketplace of sin and death?

What if the cross was essentially the great blood cutting of covenant that invites us into intimacy and deep deep fellowship with the greatest Lover in the universe?

What if the primary message of the cross is not "I am angry and sin must be punished" but instead it is "I love you so much I will become vulnerable to your deepest desires and transparent and safe and stretch out my limbs to embrace you with no defense against you, I will make a covenant with you so deep that it will require me to raise you up in a new kind of life that is centered on joy and peace and righteousness that I place inside you because I love you so much I want you right next to me all the time...?

Our puny rules about divorce don't stand a chance against a God with that kind of love, a God who entered into the death of not only sin, but also the death that divorce brings so He could conquer it and bring the life that went missing...

Remarriage is to small a word...upgrade is what He is after...divorce for a true believer while tragic and painful, when seen in the light of God resurrection power is actually a romantic upgrade...

At least that's the theory I am now exploring...


A final picture...what if Gods heart is so big that Jesus on the cross is His engagement ring to you? 

What if Gods primary drive to you is relationship and not "fixing" you? I'm not at all suggesting that we are not broken and in need of repair, but I am beginning to entertain the notion that God truly wants us to be powerful in His presence...He's after a bride, someone who captivates His heart and makes it beat faster, someone whom He would gladly give all things...this sounds more like the New Testament to me...


What if you've stolen His heart and He's crazy about you?

(*Penal Substitution is the name theologians give the idea that the cross was about Jesus taking on the wrath of God because His honor has been insulted and He must punish sin,the cross is essentially "punitive"... my issues with this model is that it splits up the Godhead so that one part is mad=Father, one part is nice=Son and one part is apathetic=Spirit...

Besides that it disallows God ever forgiving sin.. if sin MUST be punished then how can God ever forgive sin, forgiveness and paying for sin are two completely different things one is not like the other and you must choose one because either it is forgiven or it is punished but it can't be both. 

So the substitution model goes contrary to what the New Covenant is declared to be about in Jeremiah and the Hebrews...the model I am currently embracing and exploring is referred to a the "Ransom theory" or Christus Victor and was held by ALL of the early church fathers until about 1000 AD when Anselm developed his version of the substitution model...)