Get in the boat...with Todd...

It was probably 20 years ago...not exactly sure about the date but the word was unmistakable...


"Get in the boat with Todd"...it was a clarion call from heaven and I had no way to do it really...


Since that time I have had to process a lot of really interesting twist and turns connected with that initial script from heaven...


First off...me...I ended up being divorced and rather preoccupied with raising my four daughters and one son as a single parent...little hard to "get in the boat" in that context, heck it was hard just raising them without anyone getting lost or damaged too much along the way...


So I was distracted...yet resolved to be obedient when I could lay aside other more pressing agendas...


I have no regrets about that decision...


Second there was the whole derailment thing of Todd...see as far as I could tell Todd kinda went off the reservation so to speak...and it was completely understandable...losing his son...divorcing...life can create train wrecks that stop traffic in both directions and ruin the land for a long time...


I have recently visited a blog that is a tribute to Todd and Deann... their influence was primary in shaping who I have become as a believer...they were the first "Apostolic" pastors I encountered and it was  the very first church I chose as an independent adult of 18...


I met Ern Baxter in their home, I was introduced to Sophal Ung and he stayed with me in my little house in Tucson the impact is still part of my being.


Todd was the first Pastor I had who was not my dad...


I had moved away from home to OKC and found this amazing church called New Covenant Community, "Tippy (Earl) Stewart and Mike Torbett and Todd and Deann...who had been missionaries to Cambodia and India and now were helping plant missionaries all over the globe in Bern, in Bogota, Hawaii etc...I knew if I stayed I would go...I would have ended up in Thailand or Columbia or Europe somewhere...its what he did...he sent out missionaries, many of them never returning...


The Lord sent me on another path though...and I ended up reconnecting a few years later as a Pastor on my own...


Still the influence of passionate lovers of God resounded in my soul and shaped my future...


Then life happened...or in some fashion...death...death of a marriage, a ministry, a dream...death of a status and an icon...ministries that once were lighthouses of hope seemed extinguished and there were plenty of rocks around them that you could go ship-wreck upon...


And this is where the grace showed up...when God doesn't heal, when things don't work out, when hopes are dashed and the light goes out and there is no anchor strong enough to hold you in the storm...


Grace is that wonderful small voice that refuses to shout above the wind that says God is always good, He is always love, and He is deeply connected to you in spite of the lonely dark and cold vise around your heart...




Grace says, trust Him in the mystery...


Trust Him when it makes absolutely no sense...


Trust Him when it is impossible...


Trust Him even if He does not deliver you...


Trust Him if you never see the healing...


Trust Him when you see a loved one take the last breathe this side of heaven...


Trust Him when she walks out of your life for good...


Trust Him when the dreams are so shattered you cut yourself just picking up the pieces...


Trust Him when the best friend you ever had hates your guts...


Trust Him...in the mystery...


Trust Him when the plans don't work out, the road dead-ends, the check does not show up, the car breaks down, the promise gets forgotten, the door remains shut, the bill stays unpaid, the pain remains...


Trust Him in the mystery of no answers when you desperately need an answer even if its "no"...


This capacity, born of grace, to trust Him in the mystery and to hold onto faith in spite of all odds against it is what defines us as Abraham's offspring...and it is this capacity born in the furnace of adversity that will make us heirs of the world...


So...I now get to fulfill the Macedonian call...even if Todd has gone on to his reward...I get to "get in the boat with Todd"...


Its about Missions...its about thinking outside the box...its about dynamic revival and miracles and covenant models and since Todd is not here, its my version now...the boat...it always belonged to Jesus...


Who's ready for an adventure?