I am posting a chapter from my book on divorce online for a while so anyone can read it.
It is completely unedited at this point, but I do have Cindy Hansen and Marlene Cole as well as my daughter Leahbeth Payne to thank for ideas and input on structure, flow and content.
It is completely raw, but I believe the concepts are critical for any divorced person to grasp and there is very little along this line of thinking available.
I will eventually make the file private again so the editing can be done by people armed with words and word-processors.
It is a rather long chapter...actually REALLY long...which may be adjusted by smarter people than I.
There will be three versions available, a pdf, a word, and a pages document.
here's the link:
pdf
Word
Pages
Feel free to comment, understanding that all comments require approval and I don't always see them when they are posted, but I will read all of them.
Thanks!
dear dave, i followed your name on the perspectives blog and found this. what a discovery ! brilliant. i've just read the chapter you wrote. excellent. will tell you some of my story if you like one of the days when i'm weller to write a bit more. must recommend a chapter in a book that gives one more biblical reason about it all - - the jesus scandals, by david instone brewer. the "any reason" debate that was going on at the time. same as our "no blame" divorce. jesus said no you cant divorce for "any reason/no lbame" but assumes the ot reasons still stand. so things are left as they stand in the ot - div is still ok for abandonment, abuse, or adultery. he cites the rights of even a slave wife in exodus 21. and says deut 24 v1 was distorted and used as a feeble excuse.
ReplyDeletei have only found all this after i went through with having to div my lovely best friend who got bipolar and became paranoid against me and one of our daughters. when he refused to take the meds that made him less mean with us even then it took a while for me to realise he had no intention of making an effort to mend. he looks and seems normal in every respect and he misses us terribly. very few ppl have understood or even listened to me when i have tried to ask for help. he is charming. he still is charming. everyone has done their all to look after him (i needn't have worried about him after all)
it is soooooo mending to know that father god has a special interest in women on their own and our kids. he has been so close to me all through these years. despite my resistance he pushed me to separate and provided for my ex, pushed me to div in order to protect the girls and i. what i now understand from the bible makes it all make sense. also a couple of very helpful websites - you really have to know where they're coming from to understand groups like "heartlessbitches.com" (they arent, - they're just very kind women who were called that when they finally resisted their vampire men - the language is all tongue in cheek)
i realised that the eph 5 requirements of submission adn love are only what are required of every christian. submisson is in the previous verse !! loving your neighbour as you love yourself is the most basic sunday school lesson !! but we kind of forget when it's our partner and maybe dont treat them the same/as well as we even treat other people so paul has to remind us - have the common human decency even to your partner.
ReplyDeleteone small detail - you mention if your partner gets into a homosexual relationship at the same time - i think it detracts from your point to say homosexual - it's just as bad if it's a blonde so no need to add unnecessary controversy. in fact homosexuality gets relatively little mention in the bible where as adultery (which is much more socially acceptable in our society) is ALL over the new testament as a huuge no-no - perhaps there's some logs need to be taken out of some homophobic eyes before we take the speck out of the gay eyes.
i love how god is so pro women's rights. even the verse that is used to justify no contraception was nothing to do with that - the guy was stealing all his brother's share of the inheritance and condemning his sister in law to be virtually a slave to him for the rest of her life by mixing his seed with dust and we use it to condemn women to have endless babies and no condoms :-( PATHETIC.
another issue i have no stats on or verses but has puzzled me is the number of christian second marriages (where they were the hurt member of the first marriage usually)are really such lovely healing relationships. how many of us have unnecessarily suffered alone cos we thought we couldnt remarry ? how many kids needed dads/mums but had to cope with a lone parent ...
i am however very anti-divorce as an "easy" option or just cos folks dont get on any more. negotiate, discuss, arrange, but dont manipulate or divorce. i managed well over a decade even with an emotionally abusive man so i think some excuses are just pathetic. my big thing is feeling that couples should negotiate. from the begining. not put up with things, not demand things, negotiate. how many kids lives have been made much harder just cos their parents didnt do give and take talkiing !!
well, hope the writing is going well.
yours in christ, liz.
Thank you so much Liz, good point about the homosexual comment, I think I was just trying to evoke a response because typical teaching elevates that sin to the degree of leprosy in the NT but I did not think it all the way through, it is sustaining a belief environment I disagree with so I will change that.
ReplyDeleterealised you're in the us. the book the jesus scandals, by david instone brewer may not be available there. you could try amazon.co.uk. it really is radical teaching. the interesting thing is that i think the writer is not a flashy attention seeker, more what one might call a theology nerd - his main subject is the most dull of subjects - the rabbinical writings. so he has a lot of credibility.
ReplyDelete